So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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