Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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