Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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