Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
