She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
