I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
