Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
