so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
