I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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