You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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