We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
