Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
