My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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