who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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