wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
