What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
