Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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