Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
4 words: hood of his car
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
