never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
