you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
