I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
