I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Shame is for Republicans.
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