I want to walk on stilts...naked
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
