now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
