Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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