put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
