How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
