ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there's paper in my vomit.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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