i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
