If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
