My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
