You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
