The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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