I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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