Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
