So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
