I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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