look no pants
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just tell him i said nine months
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
