the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
