you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
