No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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