Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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