if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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