if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
