But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
