Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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