Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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