ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
