He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want to make a zoo with you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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