Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
