Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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