am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
