Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
